Choose...

"It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny," Jean Nidetch.

Choices.  We are faced with a dizzying array of decisions from the moment we open our eyes each morning. What to wear, what to eat, what time to leave the house, whether to stop at Starbucks, to make the bed or not, to exercise or not, and if so, to walk or take a Zumba class; and yes, ladies you know this one, should I shave my legs this morning or not?  Many choices are automatic and often seem insignificant, while others carry tremendous weight and clearly have the power to change the course of our lives.  We all realize the major choices - the career path we select, the person we pledge to stand beside through better or worse - these decisions are obviously life altering, but I wonder if we, if I, give enough gravitas to the power of repeated, daily, seemingly insignificant decisions that can often go unnoticed in the whirlwind of a typical Thursday. The older I get, the more I am realizing that the small things really just might be the big things.

Moses spoke to the Israelite nation on the edge of the Promised Land, bringing God's message to them in Deuteronomy 30:15: "Look at what I've done for you today: I've placed in front of you Life and Good, Death and Evil.  And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in His ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess." MSG.

Thousands of years ago, God told Moses to exhort the people to choose life.  He offers the same choice to us everyday, possibly thousands of times in an average week.  Choose life.  Choose to respond rather than react to situations and people. Choose to offer grace in the face of unfounded judgement and heartache. Choose to let the Lord interrupt your day and your agenda with  an opportunity to lift up another.  Choose to be thankful for all you have been blessed with rather than mope over what you don't have.  Choose to care for yourself and the temple that is your body so that you will be healthy and ready to serve.  Choose to make your words uplifting and edifying, to guard your heart and mind against hardening toward that which grieves the heart of God.  Choose forgiveness when carrying a grudge would seem oh so justified by the standards of this world. Choose faith when telling that mountain to move seems more than impossible.

Moses and the people of Israel didn't have the advantage we have; the advantage of the example of Jesus, the picture of what the sum of these choices looks like.  The individual decisions that become a life. The little things that really are the big things; a legacy and a heritage.  Yes, there are things that happen in this world that are beyond our control, but when I really think about it, I realize that much of what has happened to me in my life really is a result of my choices.  So I am determined to be intentional about my destiny; to choose life, and to choose it now!

SHHHHHH! Just Listen!

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."  Leo Buscaglia

"Does Pamela talk a lot at home?" my first grade teacher, Mrs. Kensing, asked my  mom at their first parent/teacher conference. "Yes, yes she does.  Is there a problem?" my mother replied nervously.  "No," the teacher (politely, I'm sure,)  responded.  "I was just curious, because if there is no one for her to talk to, she will just talk to herself."  My mother and I have laughed about this conversation numerous times over the years. Yes, I admit it. I am a talker.  I will talk to pretty much anyone at virtually any time.  Yes, that does include myself.

While my ability to engage others in conversation is a trait that has served me well as an educator, I have become convinced that its much less "showy" alter-ego, the ability to listen, is a characteristic I should seek to develop.

How often, in our technology filled, uber-connected, get it done yesterday, move on to the next thing/project/place world, do we take the time to slow down and listen-really listen-to another human being?Sit down, unplugged, turned off, tuned in, undivided attention--LISTEN.  Such moments are rare treasures for at least two reasons.  First, deep listening requires the greatest gift we can offer--time.  We hurry and rush from one deadline, one appointment, one sporting event, one work/school/church/______you fill in the blank function to the next, checking things off our to do list, on a mission to maximize our precious moments, convinced we have absolutely none to spare.  We often achieve much, but at the end of the day, we sacrifice the deep, rich, personal connections that we are hardwired by our creator to thrive on.  Cultures around the world and throughout history have placed a huge value on the currency of time, but I truly suspect few have had a greater need for the depth of relationship that grows with the investment of time than 21st century America.  Secondly, very few of us have honed the skill of listening itself.  Not conversing, responding, or turning the discussion to ourselves: just listening; with mind and heart fully present.  Often listening needs to be paired with the wisdom of silence; not offering solutions or suggestions, merely hearing and honoring the dignity and importance of another with our attention.

Scripture is filled with those who took the time to listen to others.  Early in the Old Testament, Moses and Aaron calmly heard the disputes and grumblings of the people.  Solomon must have listened with great patience as the two women shared their heated dispute over the baby.  Jesus himself left for us a perfect example of listening to every hurting, sinful, disease ridden, demon filled soul who came across his path. How he must have been bone weary from listening as the disciples tried to tell him how things should have been done, yet he patiently suffered them gladly!  I am convinced if we had been there to meet and talk to the Savior physically, the encounter would have left us changed by His ability to make us feel as if we were the only people in the universe, so great was His gift of making people really feel heard.  Imagine the Samaritan woman from the well. Her exchange with Jesus was brief, but I like to imagine that long after her dark hair had turned gray and the twinkle in her eye had faded, she eagerly shared about her encounter with the man who knew everything about her and offered her living water with anyone and everyone who would hear.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters; You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  James 1:19.  Most of us will never have the discernment of Moses or the wisdom of Solomon.  While we certainly can't claim the divinity of Christ, we can lay claim to His Spirit living within us. We can do exactly what He commanded us to to and offer a cup of cold water in His name, in whatever form that may take.  I am realizing that often, that gift begins with a listening, attentive ear and heart.

Beauty for Ashes

Contemporary American poet Robert Bly has said, "Where a man's wound is, that is where his genius will be."  I read this quote in the work of Mark Batterson, the pastor of National Community Church in Washington, D.C., and it has remained in my mind and heart over the past couple of weeks.  I don't know about you, but I have never really associated wounds with genius.  Wounds hurt.  Wounds are festering and painful.  Wounds are private, and most of us would probably prefer to heal them quickly and forget their sting.  Genius, on the other hand, should be celebrated, shared, and praised.  What can the two possibly have to do with one another?  Perhaps more than I have ever suspected...

Candice Lightner is a perfect example of Bly's philosophy in action.  You may not readily recognize her name, but you know the organization that was birthed from her wound.  Lightner's genius was developed after what can only be described as one of life's greatest tragedies.  On May 3, 1980,  her 13 year old daughter Cari was senselessly killed in a hit and run accident on her way to a church carnival. Cari's body was left on the street at the corner of Sunset and New York Avenue in Fair Oaks, California while the intoxicated 46 year old repeat DUI offender fled the scene,  Upon learning that the perpetrator would likely serve little or no jail time for the murder of her daughter, Candy Lightner did what many would find unthinkable in the face of such a tragedy; she turned her pain into action and founded Mothers' Against Drunk Driving.  Over the past 32 years, the organization is credited with dramatically decreasing  drunk driving through both public awareness and legislation across the country.

"To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory." (Isaiah 61:3 NLT).  There is power in the realization that perhaps God's greatest glorification comes through our willingness to let Him use our hurts to make a difference in the world around us.  

I recently had the privilege of hearing an amazing young couple share their true "beauty for ashes" testimony.  They are raising three young children and are leaders in our local church.  Both are active in key areas of ministry, discipling men and women at every opportunity; the picture of servant's hearts.  Their family is truly an example of what is right in the church today.  Turns out, their backgrounds are as far from where they are today as you could possibly imagine.  Both grew up with little or no knowledge of God in homes full of abuse, drugs, and horrible neglect.  Their stories involved their own addictions,  legal troubles and incarceration, and I sat in total amazement listening to them share how God has transformed them completely. They have struggled with setting boundaries with seriously difficult extended family members, and they have rejoiced at the willingness of Godly mentors to step up and fill the roll of grandparents in their children's lives.  They could have easily decided to guard their hearts and cover their wounds from public view, but their genius truly does lie in their willingness to be vulnerable and tell others who may be struggling with similar issues that there is someone who understands, and no matter how desperate your past has been, your future doesn't have to be. "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."(Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

For many of us, our wounds are not nearly as dramatic as those I have shared, but we all have hurting places that, if we allow Him to, God can create genius from, be glorified through, and bring true healing to. Plans, hope, and a future.  Beauty from ashes.  The young couple I spoke of admitted to being able to see "the look" of a hurting brother or sister, and to feeling called to minister to them.  Perhaps we should all be open to seeing those around us who hurt in ways we can relate to and become willing to offer our own "genius," such as it may be, to help them on their journey; to pay it forward, if you will.  Is it challenging? Absolutely. Is it frightening? Undoubtedly.  Is it what we are called to do? I am convinced it is. 

I have spent a lifetime struggling with weight.  Until now, I have been completely unable to maintain a reasonable weight in a healthy manner.  Slowly I am building confidence in my ability to understand how to truly care for the temple that is my body, and the most amazing thing is that, with time, I am building a certain credibility on the subject.   Gradually I am finding myself able to share parts of my struggle and how I won the battle.  I am learning to spot "the look" and find ways to reach out and share hope.  Right now my knowledge and comfort zone most often lead me to send people to those who helped me.  It's certainly no huge leap, but it is a start; a beginning I am certain God will honor.   

Have my wounds built genius? Yes, yes they have.  Yours have, too.  Maybe we can all begin together to use our genius, the wisdom of experience, to bring beauty for ashes in our lives, in our communities, in our world.